In life we are FORCED to make decisions. Some big, some small. Some that effect our meal for that moment and some that impact our entire lives for the REST of them.
Think about it. At 18 you have to pick a job. A career choice, and you, not being fully mentally developed yet, pick something, maybe it works out, maybe not. You grow, you change, and you become passionate about something else. Maybe this happens once- maybe it happens a dozen times. Maybe one day you just decide, “Hey I’m moving” and you go… just like that.
We are free to make decisions, but we are not free from the implications of those decisions.
Some decisions haunt us everyday. Some just for a few years, some make us cringe, and some make us laugh.
My point in all this jibber jabber is this. I DONT KNOW WHERE I’M GOING.
There. Its out now.
I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t know where I’m headed, and I have absolutely no idea how my life is going to turn out.
I have come to the conclusion that I am passionate about helping people. I also know that my heart is bigger than Texas and mission work is just not for me. I am not emotionally equipped for it. So how can I do God’s work, fulfill my “Gypsy” soul’s need to move, and help people who need it? I really don’t know.
Right now all I can think about is moving. back down south ( but not Texas) to where its warm and time moves a little slower. Is this what God wants for me? I don’t know. I’m praying, searching, taking my time and trying to wait on an answer from God.
So what can I do in the mean time?
Over the past week my family and I went to Atlanta, GA to attend a memorial for my Great Aunt Bev. She was an AWESOME lady, she loved and touched everyone she met. I am so fortunate to have so many people like this in my family that I guess I sometimes take it for granted. I forget that not everyone has been blessed with such a HUGE family that loves them so much. But her services got me thinking… how would I be remembered? How do I want to be remembered?
The first thing that came to my mind was laughter. I want folks to laugh when they think of me, I don’t care if its a joke, a story, a time I did something ridiculous, or if they remember me falling over something that wasn’t there… I just want them to laugh.
Next, I want them to know why I was here. I am convinced that the purpose for my life is Jesus. I love Jesus. I want others to love Jesus. I want Jesus to be the center of my world, the center of my relationships, and the center of everything I do. I want to help others find him and stay with him, and at the end of my life, I want people to be SURE of the fact that I am walking with him.
Other than that, I just hope that my life was used up. I hope that I experienced everything that God had planned for me. I hope that I was able to use those experiences to help others and to make others smile. I want my talents to be used up. I want every breath, every moment , every smile, and every tear to have had a purpose.
So back to not knowing where I’m going. I don’t. But I trust God to get me where he wants me. If that means moving, he’ll move me, if that means staying, he’ll ground me. If that means I turn purple and grow green hair, then I guess Ill have to seriously re-think my wardrobe… I just want to be where, who, and what God wants me to be.
So no matter what you are struggling with, no matter who has said you aren’t enough, no matter who has left you, no matter what challenge God is handing you right now, know that you are in his care, DEPEND on him, know he is there, and even if you cant see the rest of the road, know that wherever you are headed, if Jesus is with you, you ARE going to win.
Love and Hugs and God’s blessings,
Holly Lynn <3,