As women, there are a lot of decisions that we sometimes have to make. What to have for supper, how to raise our children, to homeschool or not, and a host of other things. Sometimes though, the hardest decisions to make, are the ones that directly effect us and our relationship with God.
These last two months have been hard. Though my battles are nothing compared to that of others, and I am thankful that I was given the ones I have, rather than those that others are fighting, they are STILL battles. And I still have to fight them vigilantly.
In todays world of poverty, mass murders, and bombs going off all over the place, keeping your faith is both harder, and more important than ever. When things seem the most bleak, we often turn to Jesus for comfort, when he should have been the one were turning to from the beginning. But alas, even though we know better, we often try to “fix” the problem ourselves and end up making it worse than it was before.
This was my case. I saw that something in my life wasn’t where it needed to be. Something wasn’t going right. Something was plaguing me. And God was directing me, I just wasn’t listening. I was ignoring that “still small voice” inside of me. I was redirecting conversations when those I loved brought it up, I was hiding my feelings, and I was lying. Lying to myself, and most importantly, to those effected by what I ultimately knew. I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to deal with it, I didn’t want my life to change.
I saw that change as failure. I didn’t see it as opportunity. I didn’t see it as “Gods plan”, I saw it as “Holly’s Failure”. I blamed myself, when there was no one to really blame. Sometimes our plans are changed because God sees our potential, and sometimes, we weren’t really listening to God in the first place.
So I made my decision, I made the change, and now I am in the repercussions of that change. When you change something in your life, other people are going to be hurt, upset, and sometimes angry. But if God is leading your way, the naysayers will either not be heard, or you will find that you can handle their criticism. The old saying “there are two sides to every story”, is true. You might only be hearing half the story, you might not be considering the other perspective, and if you tried to listen to why decisions were made, you might understand that there was no other way.
I truly believe that when God takes a hold of your life, everything changes. Your fears, your doubts, your worries, your wants, your needs, and your decisions. They are all nothing without God. His scripture tells me over and over and over to lean on him, to trust him, to not fear, to not doubt, that worry is not of him, that he is not the author of confusion, that if I ask anything in his name it will be given, according to his riches in glory… and that if I need wisdom, to ask it in his name.
So while others may judge you ( or me) for the decisions we made…we have to know that when God is leading us, when god is making those decisions, we are safe in him.
Peace and Love,